Category Archives: Humor

I warned you …

The Reason Romney Lost …

Among all the reasons offered for why Mitt Romney lost the presidential election (and I think I have read ALL of them, from both sides, I really do) …

Just one stands out for beauty and comprehensiveness and ALSO for utter prescience, because this result was foretold.

Romney, by not having written a concession speech “just in case,” tempted “the wrath of the whatever from high atop the thing.”

President Romney: The First 90 Days

I thought I could sell one more pre-election humor piece … but I ran out of time. Rather than grumble, I thought I’d just post it where people might appreciate it:

President Romney: The First 90 Days

My own favorite line was about expanding the Navy with a “Cash for Clunker Yachts” program. But there’s something for everyone, just the way Mitt would have wanted!

Mitt Romney’s OKCupid Profile: Mittster Wants You

So on Thursday, in a spurt of lunacy, I created a fake OKCupid profile for Mitt Romney. The OKCupid Robot was not amused and the profile was deleted, which is entirely understandable … fake dating profiles being the scourge of the Internets, and all.

But that doesn’t mean it wasn’t a good idea.

So I sent a version of Mittster’s profile off to a guy I know and today I’m finally on the cover of the Rolling Stone Salon.com.

http://www.salon.com/2012/10/19/ok_mittster/

Oh, and, in case you were wondering, my own OKCupid username is scribblebot. ;)

An Unusual Resume

I’ve always had sort of a roguish curriculum vitae, I guess. Why “roguish?” I’m certain most employers would (or have) describe/d it differently and with less charm. But I think it is the right word because, for example, I could probably add that I was first mate on a pirate ship and people would think it made perfect sense.

The version of it I’ve had up on careerbuilder dot com and monster dot com (no links for you guys, hah) has never done me a whit of good … I think HR departments are good at screening out rogues. The last time a resume played any role in getting me a job, I think it was 1981.

Yesterday, I debated deleting myself from the aforementioned job sites because they do me no good and, increasingly, they let their clients spam me for sales and/or multilevel marketing jobs, which makes me crazy. But instead I tried a writing experiment. I added *this* to the top of my resumes:

“I don’t see any point in writing a boilerplate “objective” designed to squeeze me through the HR funnel to interviewers on the way to Cubicleland, or even a corner office. If you’re unnerved that I would say so, please don’t bother me. I’m busy. You might be getting paid to seek me out, but I’m not getting paid to listen to you.

“If, on the other hand, you’re someone who needs a wickedly smart person who writes anything as well as anyone, has a tremendous range of skills and interests and knows how to get things done, you’re invited to try and get my interest. Please start with email. Try to be clever. I treat online job sites just as I would a dating site. I’m choosy because I can be. And I won’t chase YOU unless you’re irresistible.”

What do you think? Can’t hurt, right? I do crack myself up sometimes …