TigerDirect Update and Remembrances of a Coffee Pot

(Update: If you’re going to read this, you should also know that TigerDirect, or at least someone who works for the company, apologized to me in May ’08. Better late than never.)

TigerDirect.com, my aforementioned nemesis on whose head I have placed a price of $89.95, wrote to me on Dec. 21, subsequent to my restrained rant (though not because of it, I am quite sure.) They wanted to know the Order Number for my video card, with the apparent attention of assigning a new Case Number and starting over again to do whatever it is they do when the subject of their (presumably occasional) fuckover does not go gently into that good night.

So I did not call their CEO, Carl Fiorentino, at home on Christmas Eve, even though it might have been entertaining to do and then to write about. I’ll give them (another) chance … primarily, because there is really nothing in it for me, to beat them up in print. No one is paying me to do it because … sadly … this kind of thing happens so often that it’s not newsworthy. It’s barely blogworthy.

I know this because a number of years ago I had another warranty problem, one that I pursued with some zeal at least in part because I thought the correspondence between me and Black & Decker regarding my defunct coffeepot was hilarious and that a newspaper or magazine would pay me for a humor piece about the incident. It didn’t work out that way, and the piece has been sitting in my “Submitted” folder since late 2003. It’s not doing anyone any good there … so what the hell, I’ll post it on the flip. The email is quite real, edited slightly for clarity and to fix some initial typos. I think you can see the Lazlo Toth influence, if you read on.

Consumer Affairs: A Correspondence with Mr. Palffy

By Jeff Schult

Monday, November 17, 2003 5:12 AM

From: Jeff Schult
To: Black & Decker Corp. Customer Service (via web form)

Re: Model Number: DCM1300 VersaBrew

Hi.

I bought your DCM1300 VersaBrew coffeepot approximately a year ago, at a
Wal-Mart. It stopped working this morning. The light goes on; it keeps
time; but it doesn’t make coffee any more.

I’ve taken reasonably good care of the machine. It really ought to last longer
than this, don’t you think? I’m really not in a good mood about it; but
that may be because I haven’t had my morning coffee.

Sincerely,

Jeff Schult

***

From: “applica1″
To: Jeff Schult
Subject: RE: Warranty Inquiry

Thank you for visiting our web site.

We do value you as a customer and are sorry you have been inconvenienced.

We will be happy to assist you, if you can provide us with the following
information: the catalog/model number located on the bottom or back of the
unit, the 3-digit number engraved on the metal prong of the plug and advise
if you have the original receipt. (If so, include the date of purchase).
Also include your name, physical address, telephone number including area
code and the best time of day to reach you if the need arises, or you may
call us at 1-800-231-9786, we have representatives available 24 hours a day,
7 days a week, and any representative will be able to assist you.

We appreciate your purchasing Black & Decker® Household Products.

Sincerely,

Richard Palffy
Consumer Affairs
E-mail confirmation # 2036721314

***

Dear Mr. Palffy,

Regrettably, I cannot supply the information you require in order to assist
me. I disposed of the dysfunctional Black & Decker DCM1300 VersaBrew coffeepot
yesterday, two days after having written to your company regarding it. I
don’t have the receipt, and though I likely paid for it via credit card, it
probably would not have been worth the value of the coffeemaker in my time
to track down the correct statement. You would have to take my word in the
matter … though I have held onto the carafe, which says Black & Decker on
it. I imagine I can find another use for that item.

The next time, if there is one, I shall know to use the telephone instead of
email. Out of curiosity — if I had called your customer service
department’s 800 number on Monday, when the coffeemaker ceased to brew, is
there any chance that a solution would have been reached that would have
included same-day replacement of the coffeemaker from a local distributor of
your products? I ask because that is the only resolution that really would
have worked for me. That is the way of things for many people, regarding
coffee. I was going to obtain another unit on the same day, one way or
another. If the household appliance had been, say, a vacuum cleaner, I would
have been willing to wait a lot longer, even a month or two.

I purchased a General Electric coffeemaker to replace the Black & Decker one.
I saw that Wal-Mart had the DCM1300 on the shelf, but I’m sure you can
understand that I did not want to pay for another one. Perhaps the GE
machine will not work out, either, but we’ll have to wait and see.

Sincerely,

Jeff Schult

***

From: “applica1″
To: Jeff Schult
Subject: RE: Warranty Inquiry

Thanks for visiting our web regarding your Black & Decker product.

We do value you as a customer and are sorry you have been inconvenienced.
However, we will be unable to assist you unless you are able to retrieve
your product. Please let us know if you are able to retrieve your product
and we will be glad to work with you to resolve the problem.

We appreciate your purchasing Black & Decker Household Products, and if we
can be of assistance in the future, please let us know.

Sincerely,

Richard Palffy
Consumer Affairs
E-mail confirmation # 2036721314

***

Dear Mr. Palffy,

Thank you for your response. I did not reasonably expect Black & Decker to
replace my DCM1300 VersaBrew coffeepot once I had irretrievably disposed of
it, two days after first writing to the company. And, of course, as I
said — I purchased another coffee-making machine the same day that the
DCM1300 failed. I did not, perhaps understandably, purchase another DCM1300
at that time.

However, there were other questions, stated and implied, in my two previous
emails to Black & Decker which you have not addressed. I could be persuaded
to purchase another DCM1300 even now; the events of last week have almost
convinced me that it would be wise to own two coffeepots, knowing that one
will, inevitably, cease to function. At any rate, I still have questions. If
it is not in your purview to answer them, I would appreciate a response from
the appropriate representative of Black & Decker.

1. How long can a DCM1300 VersaBrew be expected to last? As I said, I got about a year of use out of mine, averaging about one pot of coffee a day. I
took reasonable though not fastidious care of the machine.

2. Is Black & Decker’s preferred means of communicating with customers the
telephone? I request this information for future reference. It took several
days to get a response by email. I do not blame anyone in particular for
this; but after several days without a response I think that simply throwing
the machine out showed restraint on my part. I could have taken my Black &
Decker chainsaw to it. The chainsaw, by the way, still provides good service
after two years of use. I realize that is probably not considered a
“Household Product,” but still.

3. If I had, in fact, retained the defunct coffeepot and was able to provide
customer service with the requested identifying information, what would have
been the likely result? I can only guess that, besides proving that I
actually owned a coffeemaker of Black & Decker manufacturer, such
information would be used to determine whether any warranty was still in
effect. I had owned the DCM1300 for about a year, as I said. Is it
warranteed for a year, or longer? Is there a hard-and-fast rule on this?
Personally, I think that even a $20 coffeepot should last quite a bit longer
than a year, providing it is not routinely dropped from an unreasonable
height, or attacked with a chainsaw.

4. If the product was determined to be under warranty, how would Black &
Decker have arranged for its repair or replacement? As I indicated (and I
think I speak for millions of coffeepot owners) any resolution that does not
include a working coffee-making machine by the next morning, or within one
business day at the outside, is not satisfactory at all. Most people are
going to go out and buy another machine on the same day, as I did.

I await your response; it will assist me in determining whether buying
another DCM1300 will serve my coffee-making needs in the long term.

Sincerely,

Jeff Schult

***

From: “applica1″

To: Jeff Schult

Subject: RE: Warranty Inquiry

Thank you for visiting our web site.

We do expect our products to have a long useful life span. Unfortunately at times, electrical products may become defective before the probable time. We
do back our products with a one-year manufacturer’s warranty.

If a unit does go defective under the warranty, we replace the unit with the same model you have.

If we can be of any further assistance, please contact us.

Sincerely,

Richard Palffy
Consumer Affairs
E-mail confirmation # 2036721314

***

Dear Mr. Palffy,

You ask me to contact you if you can be of “further assistance.” In three previous emails, all that I have been able to glean from you is that I perhaps should not have disposed of my Black & Decker DCM1300 VersaBrew coffeepot so precipitously after it failed; and that, if I hadn’t, possibly the age of the machine could have been determined, and whether it was still under warranty; and that, if it was still under warranty, Black & Decker would have replaced the machine, somehow, with another, working, DCM1300.

We have also determined, finally, that Black & Decker does expect its products to have a long useful life span, but that sometimes they don’t. I am curious about your reference to “probable time.” Does Black & Decker have some estimate as to the probable lifespan of a DCM1300? It seems to me that would be useful for me to know, were I to consider the purchase of another unit; which I must tell you, is something I continue to have deep misgivings about. My post-ownership experience with Black & Decker customer service has been less than satisfactory. I can only assume, also, that your responses have been strictly in accord with company policy regarding customers who cannot, for whatever reason, provide the 3-digit number engraved on the metal prong of the plug of the unit.

I have not been able to determine from your responses, so far, how long a DCM1300 is expected to produce coffee; whether or not email is an inappropriate way, in the company’s view, to obtain proper customer service; whether the warranty expires absolutely or fitfully at the one-year mark; or just how the coffeemaker would be replaced, should in fact the company’s requirements be met. I’ve previously stated that most coffee drinkers would be unwilling to wait for a replacement unit for any extended period of time, an observation which you have not addressed in any way.

At this point, I wonder whether Black & Decker has any experience whatsoever in replacing products which fail in the course of normal use. One would assume that the reseller — in this case, Wal-Mart — would have no difficulty exchanging a unit that was immediately defective or failed within the first few days of beverage production, and that everything after is left to chance. I also wonder if I am corresponding with a single, authentic representative of Black & Decker, since you use the email address applica1@vacservice.com. I visited www.vacservice.com and I see that VAC Service is in the business of providing extended service plans for many products, from vacuum cleaners to electronics and telecommunications, even to vehicular roadside service. If my car was broken down on the side of the road, as opposed to my being without hot coffee — well, I think that my sense of urgency in this matter would be even greater.

I note in particular how VAC Service’s web site advertises customer care for home appliances, using the character “Washer Woman.” There, the company says:

Break a nail? She’s on it.
Spin cycle’s spring sprung?
She’s still not clueless. She simply calls VAC. She gets fast On-Site service without so much as smearing her polish.

This seems to indicate a Herculean level of service, even down to on-site manicures for customers. I simply wanted a few straight answers to simple questions. Perhaps I should write to Black & Decker instead, though I am dubious about that. Wouldn’t you be?

I’d accept a manicure, though. Are they covered by a one-year warranty?

Sincerely,

Jeff Schult

(No response)